Oh my goodness. What can I say.

Paul Bettany’s pained expression throughout the film mirrored that of mine.

As a fallen angel he inexplicably lands in LA, with just enough time to slice off his wings, kill a cop and steal a car, before heading out to help the yokels at a depressing truck stop in Nevada desert. He’ll help them fight off ‘throngs’ of avengers while Mr & Mrs yokel sneak off with the second coming. Problem is, he’s only got about two guns, the wrath of heaven turns out to be possessed old ladies, ice-cream van drivers and bored extras. It’s okay, because just when the action looks like it’s getting slow, the arch-angel Gabriel turns up all bad-ass with a button-action mace and bullet proof wings.

I’ll start with the pity I felt for the excited actors interviewed during filming for the DVD extras. Apparently, before the edit, this film was going to be inspiring, with great characterisation, something that really pushes the envelope in this genre. My response; what flipping genre?!

Legion can’t decide if it’s a comedy, action, horror, drama or even sci-fi. It might have worked if it just stuck to one, but instead it awkwardly limps from one genre to another, doing a half-arsed, pitiable job. It was like an injured dog: someone put it out of its misery.

I’m wholly confident that if God wanted to destroy mankind, he’d know a bunch of zombie angel-human hybrids would be the most efficient way. Send another flood and have done with it.

0.5 out of 5 – for Denis Quaid - who worked out what a joke this film was going to be and acted accordingly.

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